Reading Hosea

Hosea 1-4

I am in Hosea now and I waited a couple of days before I delved into it because the story of Hosea and God telling him to take up a whore for his bride really just weighs me. Needless to say, I really didn't want to read this book again.

And honestly, the relationship of Hosea and Gomer really is the relationship I know I have had with God. I know I have been unfaithful, when He has been faithful. I know that I have found comfort in other things, when I should have found comfort in Him. I know I have found pleasure in sin, and have looked at His Word with disdain in my haughtiness. And what makes it so much more horrible is that it wasn't that long ago that I felt this way. Maybe this is why I don't want to read Hosea, because it is the story of me. And while I want to look down on Gomer and self-righteously scold her for her wantonness, I can't because I still haven't removed the log in my eye. And when I do remove my log, I don't even have the strength to look down on her, because it's like looking in a mirror.

I am so prone to wander. I am so prone to being entertained. When my mind is free to think, usually it is never of the things of God that it goes to. I can't pray more that 5 minutes without thinking about what else I have to do. I can't read Scripture for long periods of time because I think I am wasting time. BUT!!! I can binge on Netflix for 6 hours (sadly, I am not exaggerating!!) and the thought of wasting time never crosses my mind. Well it may, usually afterwards, but not enough to get me off the couch!

And I know the truth! And I know that I have been rescued from the fires of Hell! And I know that Jesus sought me and bought me! And I know that His law is precious! And I know that His Word is refreshing! And I know that the most joyous of times I have experienced in my whole life have been when I am worshiping Him in prayer, song or in His Word! And I know the changes He has made in me for the better! And I know the power in His Name! And so much more! 

So call me Gomer, for I am so much like her! And it drives me insane to think that I seek others instead of my God! But I do! Wretched woman that I am! So, I can't and I hope I never get over the love God has for me! How? Lord, how can you be so compassionate!? Hypocritically, I would have left Gomer! And frankly chapter 3 of Hosea implies that she really didn't even want to be with Hosea. After he had just bought her FROM THE MARKET because no one else would have her! The nerve! But that's me!

I am grateful for His mercy and His compassion towards me. And I am grateful that He is eternally forgiving, and that He teaches me so much by revealing His character in how He deals with this little monster that I am. To Him be all the glory. 

The Discipline of Grace by Jerry Bridges - Book Review

It took me a while to finish this book simply because of the richness of the content. This is the second book by Jerry Bridges that I have read and I have loved every single one of them. Both of his books are full of passages I have underlined, margins I have written in and beautiful quotes I have highlighted. He is truly a gifted writer and I am glad that a pastor I was listening to mentioned him in a sermon.

While reading this book, Mr. Bridges passed away to be with our Lord and it gave me a sense of pleasure reading about his hope of Heaven knowing that he is presently with God. What a beautiful thought!

The book is not hard to read, but there is just so much good stuff in it that I couldn't help but pause and think about what I had just read. I didn't want to just skim through it. This book is a rich dessert or a full bodied aged wine that is meant to be enjoyed slowly. So if you want a fast read, don't read this book. But if you want a slow dance with words that help you understand the beauty of Grace and what this MOST HOLY GOD has done for His children and how we can live a more holy life, then by all means pick up this book.

The book emphasizes that we should preach the Gospel to ourselves on a daily basis. It also does prick the heart of those who have been stagnant in working on their sanctification (haven't we all?).  The last 5 chapters were very helpful, my favorite chapter being on conviction. Not the kind where I feel bad about something, but the kind that I have a strong belief. Here is an excerpt I underlined and "starred":

A conviction is a determinative belief: something you believe so strongly that it 

affects the way you live. Someone has observed that a belief is what you hold,

but a conviction is what holds you. You may live contrary to what you believe, but you 

cannot live contrary to your convictions. (This doesn't mean you never act contrary

to your convictions, but that you do not consistently violate them).

Isn't that just beautiful!! At moments while reading, I caught myself just exclaiming, "Yes! Amen! Preach it!" And at other moments, words like "I'm a wretch, I'm a sinner, Thank you for the cross!" came out! 

Mr. Bridges also asks a lot of questions through out the book which is why there were times when I just paused and stopped reading. Here are some questions:

What does your mind turn to when it is free to turn to anything?

The greatest sorrow and burden you can lay on the Father, . . . is not believe that He loves you. Does that sentence surprise  you?

To what degree does a belief that the Bible sets forth absolute truth determine the way we live?

As Christians, should we view ourselves as saints or sinners? 

There are so much more sprinkled throughout the book!  Some he answers with Godly wisdom, others are left open for us to use to search our hearts and hopefully lead us to prayer. He corroborates all he says with Scripture and often times I had to stop and read the Scripture again because it was just so refreshing. I remember several times thinking: "That's in the Bible!?!" What sweet surprises!

If you are struggling with Grace, which most Christians do at some point in their lives, this is a great book to read. If you are in a time of darkness, hating your sin and/or yourself and seeming like you just can't get out of the mire; this book will help point you to the cross and also equip you in ways to combat the sin in your life. 

Mr Bridges eloquently balances the pain of sin, the joy of grace and the work of sanctification in this book. Obviously, I highly recommend it!

Although there are many quotes I underlined and wish I could share with you, I will not and allow you to dig up these treasures on your own. But here are a few I HAD to share:

Sin . . . creeps up on us little by little. What was once unthinkable become thinkable, then doable, and finally acceptable to society at large. Sin becomes respectable, and so Christians finally embrace it. It is my perception that Christians are no more than five to ten years behind the world in embracing most sinful practices.

We should not seek holiness in order to feel good about ourselves. . . Far too often our concern with sin arises from how it makes us feel. Sinful habits . .  cause us to feel defeated and we don't like to be defeated in anything.

Our greatest source of temptation dwells within us. 

The pursuit of holiness must be anchored in the grace of God; otherwise it is doomed to failure. 

We cannot serve God or pursue holiness with any vigor at all if we are dealing with a guilty conscience. 

Oh there are so many more! I know you will really grow in your faith in reading this book, but it is meaty and it does prick at our hearts and like all good things, it does take some time to finish.

You can buy this book here.

Playing with Fire - Book Review

Our family seems to always be traveling somewhere, so on a short trip to southern Illinois to spend some time with my husband, I found this audio book at our local Cracker Barrel. I have never rented from them, but in case you are wondering how it works, it is fairly easy. You pay for the actual audio book, and are charged $3.57 for a week rental. Once you are finished, you return the audio book and are reimbursed for the whole charge except the $3.57. It's not really convenient for non-A types like me, because I frankly don't like returning things to begin with. Things get really complicated for me so very quickly.

About the book: Tess Gerritsen is just a superb storyteller and you are left wondering what is going on until the very end. If you are a music lover, you will just be enraptured by this book. The book begins with a violinist who finds an old piece of gypsy music in an old book store in Rome - specifically it is a waltz. From there, the history of the waltz unfolds and the bizarre behavior of the violinist's daughter just mystifies the story even more. Like the mysterious waltz, the book is haunting with an overtone of sadness. In this book, there are two stories which Mrs. Gerritsen unravels perfectly. One story takes place in 1930's Italy and details the history of the musical piece and the other story takes place in modern times discovering the violinist and her family's past. The book ends too quickly and not how I thought it would (which makes me love it even more!). I waited an extra day to finish listening to the book because I didn't want to part with it, but alas, all things do have to come to an end.

I strongly recommend the audio book because Mrs. Gerritsen actually plays the violin in it and was the one who actually composed the somber waltz! She is just so talented! The lone violin playing in the background just adds to the depth of the book.

To the Christian: (I will leave this part vague as to not spoil the book.)The atrocities in this book remind us of the sin of man and the hope we have in the return of Christ. The physiology of the mind is just a small picture of how magnificent God is in the creation of the brain. God lavished beauty for our eyes, for our taste, for our ears and for all of our senses. In music we get a foretaste of the majesty of our Creator.

After reading this book, I did indulge in listening to some classical violin music and all I could do was just listen in awe at how fallen man can create such beautiful things - an imprint of our Creator.

There is nothing in this book that is coarse or tasteless. I would allow my tween or teen to read it.

You can buy the book or audio book here

Angel of Darkness - Book Review

I read the Alienist several years ago and absolutely loved it. Mr. Carr did an excellent job building the twisted character of the abuser and murderer of the most vulnerable. Unfortunately, I can't say the same about his second book.

The Angel of Darkness is a sequel and there is a new mystery to be solved. A high profile little girl has been kidnapped and the trail begins. But it is a very long trail. The book completely feels like most sequels do. And the style it is written in, gets very frustrating especially in a 700 page book! It was very difficult to finish this book and where Mr. Carr's first book was very realistic, this one was almost silly - in one scene, Theodore Roosevelt comes to save the day along with his shipmates!

There also seems to be an agenda. It feels like Mr. Carr is fighting for women's equality, but going about it in a very disturbing way. He tries to persuade the reader that women are equal to men but not in mind or intelligence, but in how evil they can be. Frankly, that is not the equality I would like championed for me.

I really don't recommend this book to anyone. It really was a bore and the writing style made me ache.

To the Christian: Mankind is depraved to the core. If any of us has any good in us, I believe, it is a grace from God. This book highlights just how depraved a human being can be, even a woman, even a mother. Psalm 14:1b says . . . "there is no one who does good"

There is some gore in the book, and detailed beatings. There are innuendos of sex, but nothing graphic.

Some Benefits of Prayer

Prone to wander, Lord I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love.

When I sing this particular verse of this hymn, I can't help but close my eyes and bow my head in shame because it is true. So easily do I just wander away from Him. And I don't think I do it on purpose. It is more like a boat that isn't anchored that just floats away and just heads in all kinds of directions. Never on purpose, but always surrendering to its circumstance. Thankfully, whether I feel lost or floating about in my spiritual life, the truth is that He is the One who has me anchored to Himself and I am assured that He will never let me go. (John 10:29)

One way that I feel anchored again (remembering that regardless of my feelings, my salvation doesn't ebb away) is through prayer. And I know that sounds so "cliche" and so easy of a fix, but truly there is nothing (outside of Scripture) that hones in my heart to match His as prayer can do.

Prayer sifts out my sin.
When life gets busy, sin can easily hide. When life gets idle, sin comes out to play. Regardless if I am confessing a besetting sin or if the Holy Spirit is revealing one to me, prayer allows me to be more aware of the sin that grieves God and brings me to the cross gladdening my heart for He is always faithful to forgive. (James 5:16)

Prayer brings me to the throne
When I think that I am approaching the King of kings in prayer and I am not going to die I am left speechless. There are no words to describe that a Gentile woman can enter the Holy of Holies and worship. (Heb. 4:16) Prayer allows me to worship Him privately.

Prayer reminds me that I have love to give
When I read my prayer list and pray for those on it, I am reminded of people who are hurting, lonely, lost or feeling loss. It triggers me to make a phone call, bake some cookies, write a letter, type out a text, send a facebook message, or make a house visit. Prayer beckons me to be His hands, feet, shoulders, arms and voice.

Prayer softens my heart
Some people are hard to love and some people are even harder. When I honestly pray for those that hurt me or those that hurt the people I love, God does something amazing. He softens my heart towards them and they begin to have less control over me and my feelings. And in the rare occasions when I have trouble "forgiving", God always reminds me of the dastardly things He has forgiven me for already. :)

Prayer is therapeutic
My overbearing mother, my passive father, my annoyance with my ex-husband, the attitudes of my children, my lack of wanting intimacy, my self-esteem, that thing I do that I don't want to mention here and so, so much more; I have brought to God. And He truly has helped me figure so much out. It is through prayer that we are given wisdom. (James 1:5) So many times I have come to God bawling my eyes out, completely overtaken by despair, and patiently He has brought to mind Scripture that overtakes my moments of sorrow or pain. I have also come to him lost, in a rage, scared for my life, indecisive, numb, depressed, raw and feeling so many other things. I have also been given the peace that transcends understanding, and it was always after time spent with Him in prayer. (Phil. 4:7) Who better to tell me about myself and how to handle a certain situation than the One who created me and was with me throughout my entire life? (Jer. 33:3)

I want to encourage you to take time to pray. If you are not sure how to, Jesus Himself teaches us how to pray in Matthew 6:5-15. Also we can read Jesus' prayer before he was captured in John 17. And what is so amazing about this prayer is that in it you can read where Jesus is praying for you!!!!! (see verses 20-21 of that same chapter), and He is still praying for you! The Son of God prays for you! So let us imitate Him and pray.


 . . . . For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. ~ Romans 8: 26-27

The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert - Book Review

Ever since I heard the testimony of Rosaria Butterfield, I just fell in love with her. I spent a couple of days looking her up on youtube and other sites and just listening to what she had to say. When I found out that Mrs. Butterfield wrote an autobiography, I just had to read it, so I added her book to my Christmas list and I got it. Needless to say, I read the book in two days!

On youtube and other sites, a lot of the focus of her testimony is that she was a lesbian, Marxist progressive and that she no longer is now. Although that is important, there is just so much more to her than her past lesbianism. In her book she does mention her life before Jesus, but she also speaks vulnerably about her transformation into a repenting Christian and even mentions her current sin issues and how horrible they are to a Holy God. Rosaria beautifully speaks of the struggles in the life of a Christian. My sins, the currents ones I am committing as I write, God hates; but because of the trust I have on the work of the Cross, I can boldly approach this Holy God and plead for forgiveness, and because He is faithful to forgive, I can jump for joy that He is a great God! She also reveals the Gospel in such a way that it just grabs me by the hand and takes me along for a journey in getting to know this forgiving God! Rosaria's story (like all Christians) doesn't stop once she converts!

I was also pleasantly surprised to learn that she also wrote about worshiping God through hospitality. She mentions the lack of hospitality among Christians and the plenitude of it among the LGBT. And I had to agree with her. Why are we quick to look the other way when someone needs attention or even just a hug? Why do we not open our doors enough to the wretched, the ugly or the lost? Why do I turn up my nose to the depressed, the emotionally needy, the poor, the pill poppers and the losers? What is the point of my candle light shining in an already lit room? Have I forgotten the mire of where I came from and where I still continue to go?

A specific sentence she wrote really captured my attention. On page 24 she says that looking back at pictures of herself, she no longer recognizes herself. Am I transforming in my Christian life that much that I too do not recognize myself? My life before my conversion was despicable. But am I continuing to change to become more and more like my Savior. Am I different from the person I was last year or even last month? Or do I still continue with my same sins, not caring about the monotony of my daily besetting transgressions?

I loved this book! And I recommend it to all Christians! I do not want you to think for a second that this book is only for those struggling with same-sex addictions or inclinations! It is not! It is for the Christian who struggles with hypocrisy (me). It is for the Christian who feels that God cannot heal him from a besetting sin (me also). It is for the Christian who is at peace with their holiness (the self-righteous). It is also for the lost. It is for all of us.

I also want to tell you that the book is not graphic. There is nothing obscene or tasteless in the book, unless words like "drag queen" or "butch" offend you. Not once did I flinch, or think she had crossed a line. Rosaria does well writing her autobiography in a way that exalts her Savior, not her sins (past or present).

I leave you with several excerpts from her book:

Undisciplined taste will always lead to egregious sin - slowly and almost imperceptibly. (pg30)

 In regards to evangelism - The integrity of our relationships matters more than the boldness of our words. (pg. 48)

I felt and feel no solidarity with people who think their salvation makes them more worthy than others. (pg. 81)

People whose lives are riddled with unrestrained sin act like rebellious children. Sin, when unrestrained, infatilizes a person. (pg. 108)

We in the church tend to be more fearful of the (perceived) sin in the world than of the sin in our own hearts. Why is that? (pg. 115)

Our plans are not sacred. (pg. 126)

You can help, but only Jesus can heal. (pg. 146)

There is so much more in this book, but I want to leave it to you to discover on your own. You can buy this book here!

The King's Curse - Book Review

King Henry VIII was never a favorite monarch of mine. I really do not believe he reformed the church do to Scriptural conviction, but more out of convenience. He desperately needed an heir and the Catholic Church was in the way. His father's greatest fear was that his line would die out and I am sure that fear was passed on to his children. In the book "The King's Curse", I just hate Henry more. He was a despicable man. The story is told from the view point of Margaret Pole, countess of Salisbury. Her father was the brother of Edward IV. This book is excellent! Philippa Gregory, the author, really captured the constant ebbing and flowing of fear and peace that was the reign of Henry VIII among those that may be a threat to the throne. No body was safe with him, not even his own children. Even though I knew how Margaret died, the book still gripped me and I anxiously waited the ending. This book was a great book and one of my favorites that Ms. Gregory has written. This book is the last in the series of the Cousins' War Series.

To the Christian: The Reformation is in its infancy during this era. The struggle between tradition and Scripture was almost at its boiling point. Margaret Pole is Catholic and I do feel sorry for her because  Henry's "reform" utterly destroys the practices that have been a part of her faith for centuries. It brings homelessness and destitution to the monks and nuns that have spent their lives in cloister. I believe he does these atrocities not in the name of God, but to satiate his power hungry ambition. During this time, Henry burns at the stake William Tyndale, a man that translated the Bible into English, so that all may partake and read Scripture.

There is no explicit content in the book.

You can buy this book here