Walking Away - 27

(Words of God in Red)

Every thing and nothing hurts at the same time.
There is something stirring, something sublime.
I am missing something and I just cant tell what it is
Someone seems to talk to me, who's voice, is it His?
Or is it just me lost again in all my worries
Trapped and mislead always in a hurry?
Something is stirring what can it be?
I can't identify it and much less can I see
What is happening to my spirit, what is happening to my mind
I am agitated, frustrated and even unkind.
Fast, pray and stop asking questions
Be still because you're going in the wrong direction
I can't I wont, something is going on
How can I help you if you're not where you belong
The stirring is Me, and you act like an orphan
You seem to think that I am One that has no plan
Fast, pray and stop asking questions
Before you walk away from my gentle protection.

The Prize - 26

Breathe in and out and slowly realize
That you are special, and there is no compromise.
That every hair on your head is counted and known,
And that every tear that escapes He already owns.
Every time you laughed and every time you cried
He has stored in his heart, and it can't be denied
You are special because He made you that way
He made you this way and you had no say.
The color of your skin and the color of your hair
They are beautiful to Him even if you don't care.
The way you talk and the accent in your voice
It was intentional and it was His choice.
You are not a mistake and you never will be
He is leading you to Him so you can see.
How much He cares and how great is His love for you
That will never change no matter what you do or do not do.
He didn't send His son to die for a loser or a mistake
He didn't have to look away and His Son forsake.
He meant to love you just you have to realize
That you are worthy and are the ultimate prize.

A Hint of Hope - 25

There is a glimmer of light it seems
A very small hint
Is it hope that gleems,
Or is it an upcoming stint?
Lord, there seems to be more smiles
But fear wants to attack
I want faith like a child's
To know you have my back.
I want to trust you
But I am so very afraid
You're the only that's true
And my ever faithful aid.
Let this be the feelings
Of what I have been praying for
If its not, I will continue
To you and only you adore.

Oh How Wonderful You Are - 24

Looking up at the skies
My soul lifts up and flies
It's so beautiful that it cries
How wonderful You are

I cannot help but praise
The maker who was raised
From the tomb with a daze
Oh how wonderful You are

In prayer at night so still
I look to you and get my fill
To do what is in Your will
Oh how wonderful You are

You are my Savior and my King
I cannot help, but to You to sing
I just have to say one more thing,
Oh how wonderful You are.

Sin - 23

Sin slowly crawls into any crack or crevice
You don't even know it's there
Before you know it you are at its service
Overwhelmed by a weight you can't bear.

When I am aware of Jesus all the time
Sin doesn't seem so strong
But the moment He is out of my mind
I immediately fall into wrong

It is ready to pierce my thoughts
It doesn't leave me alone
It is a fight I already fought
And left me raw to the bone

Without Him I bow down to my sin
I become a slave to it once more
It reminds me of where I've been
And burns my wounds that are sore

I do what I don't want to
I don't do what I should
My sins were but only few
Now I do things I thought I never would.

Sweet Jesus!

On K-Love they were asking a pretty interesting question. On the air they asked the listeners what food did they turn to when they needed comfort. So many people called in and there were many answers. Most of the answers though was some kind of sweet food. There were some that said other things, like hamburgers or french fries, but the majority of them specified some kind of pastry, chocolate or sweet desserts. I thought that was kinda interesting because I have had to learn to comfort myself without the aid of sugar. (I am not sure how many of you know, but I am abstaining from anything sweet until I am together again with Nathan). So I thought a little about the answers people gave and I thought about the Supreme Comforter. He is always there to provide comfort to our weary souls and there ready to listen to a broken heart, but as I thought of this I realized that HOW Jesus tastes to us matters a lot. Jesus cannot comfort us if He has a sour taste. Jesus cannot comfort us if He is bitter tasting. A lot of time we confuse our horrible religious or church experiences and marry them with Jesus. When the church has left a bitter taste in our mouths we think that Jesus tastes the same, therefore asking Him to comfort us when we think He's bitter is something we ask in vain. The same thing happens with our lives. If life has thrown us too many curve balls and we in turn have become bitter against life, we tend to think of Jesus as the same. We think of Him as this big ogre up there ready to stomp out any happiness. And then we wonder why Jesus isn't comforting us in our time of need. It is the taste we think He has. He must be sweet in order for Him to comfort us. He must be delicious in order for us to want more of Him. King David said this of Him: "Taste and see that the Lord is good" and "How sweet are your words to my taste. They are sweeter than honey!" Yuuuuuummy!  How we view Jesus impedes or allows us to receive His comfort. When we pray and ask for His comfort we must remember that he IS sweet to the taste and satisfies our needs and cravings. Even when life is cruel, He is tender no matter what we feel. If the church has caused you pain remember that humans will always fail us, but Jesus never will. He is good to us. When the sky is falling and this world has lost its appeal, remember that He won't falter and will always be there - even to ends of the earth. When we feel that no one cares, He even know the hairs on your head - that's how intereseted He is in you. Do not let other people, cultures, or life situations taint the taste of Jesus. He is not them and He is not you, so don't mesh them together. There is no other way to receive His comfort unless Jesus tastes sweet.

So Many Lost - 22

There are so many lost Lord.
I don't know where to start.
There are so many who don't know the way
And are growing far apart
From the One who created them, the One who truly cares
I don't feel adequate enough to tell them of your Grace and share.
Show me the way Lord
In how to reach the broken and lost
Know that I will follow you
No matter what the cost.
I know many are dying and will never see Your face.
They never got to hear of You and of Your pure amazing grace.
Show me the path that I need to take
And  make it clear for me
For I know what comes when they die
If they never get to see.
Give me Your eyes and give me your strength
To spread Your love no matter the length.
And teach me to love each and every soul
Let it be You, who eternally is in control
Don't let me show any hesitation or any fear
And open their hearts so that they may hear.

Can't Say Good-bye - 21

I want to know you more
More than yesterday.
Only you I  shall adore,
Just tell me what to say

For the depths of  your love are sometimes a mystery
I cannot seem to comprehend
But You have revealed it through history
When Your Son You did send.

No greater love has ever been shown
To this miserable human race
Even though all of us You've already known,
In Heaven You found us a place.

How could you love a creation such as me?
Why even try?
 He answers . . .
Is it so hard for you to see
That I just can't say goodbye?

Trees - 20

(In honor of Tu B' Shevat)

I am grateful for their shade

These majestic trees you have made

Such wondrous are your works,  oh Lord

Treasure that no one can afford

In spring flowers burst into exsistance

They have no worries, they show no resistance

What jewels and scents they produce for me

They are sweet to my eyes, just for me see

In fall their colors turn to mesmorize the eye

I love to watch them spin and watch them glide by

To hear the crunch of the leaves under my feet

Where your beauty and my being meet.

If this is earth how must Heaven be?

What other wonders are in store for me!

My sister - 19

(Poem for my sister on her birthday)

The memories are many and the laughs so many more.
Your are quite an entertainer whenever I a bored.
The mischief and the chaos run wild in our lives.
The love and the joy, there is nothing that's deprived
You're not just a sister, you're not just a friend
You are not just a confidant with me to the very end.
You are a shoulder, a person who will always understand
All my problems and my worries than never cease to land
You are a ray of sunshine when the clouds are so big and black
You are a motivator when my mood becomes so slack.
You have put up with so many misconceptions
And filled them with so many good intentions
You are not just a sister you're not just a friend,
No better person could God ever send.

Waiting - 18

While I wait for an answer from You
I find myself not knowing what to do
I fiddle my thumbs, and look up at the sky
I sit around watching the time crawl by
My prayers seem so empty and so void
And they have become something I try to avoid.
I cant be still. I can't remain calm
So I open my Bible and read a Psalm.
 I find a prayer from a mighty King
That he is grateful for what you bring.
The answered prayers, the good, and even the bad
I take it from you even though I'm sad
Even while I wait, not so patiently at all
I know you are there even when I fall.

Child of Who

I love reading books about midieval and renaissance times specifically in England and Spain.(YES I'M A NERD!)   I just finished reading a book called the White Queen by Philippa Gregory.

Warning  History Nerd Alert!

 Anyway, the book is about the House of York winning the throne from the House of Lancaster. This struggle went on for about 100 years and is better known as the War of the Roses. The House of York's  is the white rose and (you guessed it) the House of Lancaster is the red rose hence the name "war of the roses". Well these two houses were cousins. In England all royalty was related one way or another. They continually fought for the throne and killed each other for it. Brother betraying brother, cousin betraying cousin, and the women in the background scheming their way to the throne with their male heirs. It was brutal and unbelievable the things these people did for the throne. Several times the white queen (Elizabeth Woodville consort to Edward IV) would tell herself how her son was a "Son of York" through and through. Why? Because the boy was always ready for battle, was ambitious, was full of life and knew that the end always justified the means.

YAY! YOU MADE IT!

Many of us do the same things with our own children or with people in our family. When a boy is good in a certain sport we say, "he's a Jones (or whatever your last name is) through and through". When a child loves the family recipe for pumpkin pie, we say "it's in her blood". When certain traits are noticed that our children do, we say its because he's a part of the family. Even my Rami who is not biologically Nathan's shows Tobey traits. We even do it with people from different states. Take a Northerner and a Southerner. If someones is loud and tells you what's on his mind we say "oh its because he's from New York". Or if someone likes tea with their sugar we say "oh its because they're from Georgia". We can tell is someone is from Lousiana just by how they talk. We call people Yankees, Hillbillies, Rednecks, Mexicans, Raza, Ghetto, Texans, Cowboys, Country, Jocks, Nerds and so on because of what they DO or SAY.

So why the heck do we think that being called a CHRISTIAN implicates that we can DO nothing and SAY anything!? 

Being called a Christian means you have to behave a certain way and talk a certain way. He's good at quoting scripture when I need it! - Oh its because he's a Christian. He is always fasting and in prayer - Oh it's because he is a Christian. He is always talking about Jesus - Oh its because he's a Christian, it's in his blood! Being called a Christian means we behave a certain way. Those that second guess their salvation only second guess it because they are not acting like Christians. Am I saved? Well what have you done lately? Well, nothing? Well maybe we need to get on our knees and ask Jesus in. Jesus is like a semi-truck. When he hits you, YOU CAN TELL! Over 80 percent of our nation is Christian and YOU CAN'T TELL!

Have you heard Packer fans say, " I bleed green and  yellow"? What about Christians, do you bleed "Jesus". Do you bleed Jesus because He is so much a part of you that he comes out through you? That He seeps out of you?

There is a book title that I read that really strung a note to me. The title was Christian Atheists. What a powerful title! Is that what we have become? That if you would follow an atheist and a Christian, that their lives would mirror each other.

Who do I mirror? I hope people immdiately think Anna - the Christian or the Jesus Freak or the Christ Follower. Not Anna - the nice lady or the funny gal.

Am I a Daughter of Jesus through and through? The only way to tell is by what I do.

No Time - 17

My feet hurt
And I just have to complain
About how much my feet hurt
And how much they're in pain.

I walk around all day
Doing all my chores
I grumble all the way
Down to clean the floors

I didn't have time to take a shower
Nor to shave my hairy legs
My laundry pile looks like a tower
The kids begin to beg

"We're hungry, what's for dinner?"
"I ordered pizza" I say
I know I'm not getting thinner
But there was no time today.

No time for laundry
 No time at all, not even time for me
The fridge is empty
The cat is lost, where the heck can he be

O God give me the stregth to make it through this day
I don't know what kind of length my mind can take today

I get to bed and try to read
A part of His Holy word
I close my eyes and start to pray
And I know it goes unheard
He doesn't even know me
ANd frankly I don't know myself
There never seems to be much time
When I put Jesus on the shelf

I Don't Know - 16

I don't know so many things
But I know that you are there
I don't know what tomorrow brings
But I know that you' will care.
I dont know what the future holds
For me and for the ones I love
But I know that you walk with me
And see me from above
I don't know if all will go well
With the trial I now have to face
But I know that you will hold me close
In a warm and tight embrace
I don't know if I will be loved
Another day on earth,
But I do know because of the cross
Exactly how much I'm worth.
Although in this life there are
Many things I will never know
But I don't need to care about
Anything you didn't show

Getting Closer to Finishing Book

I just wanted to put out a post about what is going on in regards to the devotional I am writing. As of right now, I have finished 6 chapters out of a 12 chapter book. Every chapter contains a short story or insight and is followed by a couple of sections. Each chapter contains at least four sections titled "quickening of the Holy Spirit", "Uncomfortable Thing", "Habits To Consider", and "Verses To Chew On".

The "Quickening of the Holy Spirit" section is simply questions you ask yourself and waiting for the Holy Spirit to give you answers. It is learning to feel the slight "kicks" of the Holy Spirit that otherwise go unnoticed due to our busy schedules. They are questions that will require action.

The "Uncomfortable Thing" section is basically the "dare" of the chapter. You have to complete the "Uncomfortable Thing" in order to be able to proceed to the next chapter.Yes, each "Uncomfortable Thing" is uncomfortable.

The "Habits To Consider" section is just what it says it is. It's a couple of habits you can slowly start implementing in your life to help you be more aware of Jesus in your life and of others and the fact that you are a Christian.

The "Verses To Chew On" is a couple of verses that go with the chapter and several questions regarding the verses.These are questions that would do well in a group study and can help with the "digestion" of the verses. These verses are not "milk" verses, they are "meat" verses hence the "chew".

The chapters are not long - per se, but they do involve a lot from the reader.

It is amazing what God has been doing in my spiritual life. For the moment, he is bending me in ways I didn't know I could bend. He is teaching me the art of silence, meditation, fasting and meaningful prayer. He has forced me to depend only on Him because I didn't want to do it voluntarily. But I am grateful for the things I am learning from Him and I know that He is preparing me for something I never in my wildest dreams could have imagined.

Thanks for all the support.

Sleeping Cubs - 15

My two cubs are sleeping

I am so thankful for them

They mean so much to me

They are my little gems

Keep watch over them

And keep them healthy and strong

Help me to be a good mother

Even when they do wrong

Keep them asleep

Do not wake them from their nap

Let me get some rest

Before I go insane and snap!

Human 14

Human

I am a human being. I will fail. I will fall. My nature is imperfect. I am prone to lie, to cheat, to steal. Pride was not taught to me, it was innate. I tend to look after myself first. I prefer not to have rules or boundaries. I want what is not mine. I want to live forever and I hate to think about death. Usually people that are weaker than me, I am impatient with. I want more money, more power and more beauty. And I usually want them regardless of the risk to myself or others. I want to praised, adored, worshipped, appreciated and acknowledged. I lust after things that are not mine and my desires are many. Vanity reflects on my mirror. I am capable of murder if I am angry enough. I am capable of all atrocities if there were minimal consequences. Sometimes I could care less for consequences. I am sick. My body withers more every day. My mind is sick. I lose my thoughts to sin every day. I am prone to addictions, bad habits and quick fixes of pleasure. I am a human being. And because of this I need Jesus more now than ever. The moment I believe I am not capable of these things, is the moment I lie to myself. The foundation that Satan needs to start building is a lie.

My Place - 13

There is a place

Only for me

It is my special space

That no one can see

There I am lost

And quickly found

It comes with a cost

And the price is sound

I must be still

I must be hushed

It takes my will

To not be rushed

But He is always there

To meet my heart

He never seems to care

How long we’ve been apart

He welcomes me every time

And understands what I feel

My spirit is sublime

All my words do is steal.

They steal the groans of the Spirit

They just get in the way

I must remember to inhibit

Anything I want to say

Silence speaks loudest

For I have someone to speak for me

It gets rid of the proudest

For I depend on what I can’t see

With pangs of hunger

Where all my pain I release

Where He breaks me asunder

So finally there’s peace.

Spiritual Wasteland - 12

Nothing seems to stir my soul
Everything is there, but still I'm not whole.
I don't want to pray or read Your Word;
It feels like all these verses I've already heard.
I can't shake this off, maybe I don't want to.
I was doing fine yesterday, but now I've forgotten You.
What is wrong with me Lord, why can't I pray?
I don't want to look for You and I can do this all day.
Release me Lord from this spiritual wasteland!
And please don't treat me the way that I have.

Cold Little Birds - 11

It is cold outside and the birds aren't singing
They try to keep warm and to their nests they keep bringing
Twigs and grass to keep out the cold,
Twisting and turning them hoping they'll hold.
Every little item in its special little place
Flying and weaving into any little space.
You keep them safe, Lord, you watch over these,
So don't forget about me! Please oh Please!

You Thought Of Me - 10

With only Your words You created all I see,
But with Your hands You touched and perfectly molded me.
I marvel at the birds and the fish in the sea,
But what is most wondrous of all, is that You thought of me.

You thought of me before Your creation.
You thought of me with anticipation.
Because of my sin you created salvation.
You gave me Grace when I faced condemnation.

Where there were tears, now there is laughter.
Now there is peace with incoming disaster.
Because I have ridden myself of every single master.
Now it is only You that I am after.

Darkness - 9

Sometimes it feels like I can't even breathe.

The walls close in and I can't help but heave.

Despair over takes me and becomes my slavemaster.
I am so fearful of any coming disaster.
I am blinded by my anger and lost in my fear,
Of what I can't see, of what isn't clear.
The darkness seems to completely swallow me whole.
Everything but You has control of my soul.
Please, Lord, please, help me find a light;
Someone to help me get through this plight.
There is no one I can't talk to, no one that will care.
This is too much for me, Lord, this just isn't fair.
Where is Your refuge, where's Your salvation?
I can't find the beauty of Your finite creation.
I am scared my Lord, frightened to the core.
I don't know if I can take this anymore.

Prayer for Healing - 8

Prayer that came while Rami was sick with a fever.

Put your healing hand on my child
Let him play again and run wild.
Reduce the fever and make the pain go away.
Invite Your Holy Spirit and let Him stay.
Hear my prayer, Lord, hear my cry.
Heal my little son. Heal my little guy.

Anger - 7

The anger inside me swells like a storm

It makes me contort and lose my form

It seems to take over and rule over me

I seethe inside and red is what I see.

Help me Jesus with this hate inside

I want it to end and in you abide

I want to scream and let this animal roam

I want to let it run wild and destroy what is home

Give me your peace Lord, I need it right now!

Because only you can help me since I don’t know how.

I want control over this, I know it’s not me

I know this is not how you want me to be.

I am dependent on you and in you alone

So I bow down at the feet of your noble throne

Take it Lord, I give this to you

I loosen my grip, that is all I can do

You take my unclenched hand and rip this foe away

All I had to do was kneel down, close my eyes, and pray

Listening To Proof - 6

The pain is only temporary

I am what remains

Everything in contradictory

I always stay the same

What you feel is not what is real

What you see is not all there is

Stay in me and I will stay in you

Trust me, I will tell you what to do.

Be still and be quiet, do not say a thing

Breathe my breath, listen to me sing

No other god loves you the way I do

Watch and see I will prove this to you

The Fool - 5

No matter if you grind him in a mill, his folly will remain

He is a grungy and everlasting stain.

He will not listen to wisdom or sound reason

He is a hurricane or a tornado out of season.

Nothing can prepare you for his evil and crooked ways

He’s a liar, a deceiver, you can’t believe what he says.

How do I deal with him, he spits, he rants, he slobbers?

My Lord answers: I have a whole book on him called Proverbs

Clouds

Poem #4

(While flying on an airplane)

The clouds in the air speak of your wonder

They are a treasure, the world’s greatest plunder

I want to dive in them and play in their midst

And forget all my troubles, that insist and insist.

I want to get lost in those gray ancient billows

And wrap myself in them and use them as pillows

The sun reflects off them and turns them to gold

Oh! what other wonders are left to unfold

Are You There?

Poem #2

My prayers bounce from the ceiling.

He doesn’t care about what I am feeling.

Are you up there Oh King of kings?

You’re daughter is crying among other things

Why are you so far away my Lord

My troubles strangle me like a cord

My enemies hate me, they laugh at my face

I want to run away, far away from this place.

Hear me, my King I can’t take much more

I am on my knees, begging, my face on the floor.

The tears don’t stop, they never seem to cease

My throat is sore, there’s no more peace

Remember me please, my heart is broken

And remember everything else left unspoken.

Leaving the One I Love

Poem #3

(This poem is also helpful for those that have had to say goodbye to loves due to deployment)

I am leaving the one I love tomorrow
I don't have any more tears to spare, or none I can borrow.
My heart aches as i say goodbye one more time
Once again, comforting and soothing words I will have to find.
Forgive me Lord, but I can't take this much more
My soul is wrenching, my heart is sore.
I know I'm not alone when I suffer this loss
Because you said "goodbye" to your son from a cross.
So give me courage and composure to tell him goodbye
And Please Lord, please! help me not to cry.

New Years

Poem #1

A new year begins, and I long for hope
Not to dwindle, not to slope
To stay on the course, no matter how hard
To let go of my fears that leave me so scarred.

An old year has past and now I can see
All of Your works and what've you've done  for me
I don't want to mope or live with regret
And whine like a child for things I didn't get

Some prayers were answered and some seemed to get lost
But there is no one else who is worth this simple cost
So this year draw me close and keep me near
Keep my mind pure and sound and clear
Open my eyes to see what you see
So I wont forget where I am from where I used to be.